i'm emotionally charged.

i got sad last night thinking about alabama. it's so strange for me to think i get 'homesick' for alabama. i think part of it was that i ranted to h for a long while last night. also because i feel like i'm overwhelmed, expected to do more than i'm able at a time and i'm being pushed into a corner. i have to write a behavior plan but i'm not going to find out the ACES way of doing things until tomorrow afternoon. i'm presenting the behavior plan thursday at 2. two more students were added to my case load today. i have 2 more behavior plans to write for next week. i have a student hitting himself. i'm constantly running from school to school. i also have a meeting thursday at 9am but i don't know what i did to warrent a meeting. i know the principal at 'hell elementary' asked the sp.ed. director to call the meeting with me and donn (guy i work for at ACES). i asked the secretary if there is an agenda for the meeting when she sent a message asking about 9am thursday... i didn't get a response. i don't know what i did and i don't like not knowing. and to top it off, i can't focus.

i got all veclempt when trying to fall asleep last night but moved past it and finally fell asleep. today sitting at the computer writing heather i did the same thing and had to breath. and then i was talking to a student's one to one (personal paraprofessional) and she started saying the change must be huge and asked how i was adapting and i jokingly made a sad face and fanned myself saying that i was actually struggling with that today and then i actually got a little upset. glossy eyes and a bit of a tight throat. she in turn got the glossy eyes. she's really sweet.

i need the following:
1. to get the bsp i need to present thursday DONE.
2. have the effing meeting thursday morning and get it over with. we all know i'm going to get worked up and leave shaking.
3. present the student's behavior support plan and get that dagum meeting over with.
4. have friday come... though i have an early morning parent meeting, supervision and a ppt meeting where i meet another family. oi.

i am greatful for:
1. h listening to my rants
2. you reading my rants
3. kendra accepting my random complaining text messages about throwing water balloons at school staff and drinking liquor from coffee cups during behavior leadership meetings (note: she suggested the drinking, i suggested the mixers to cover it, she is responsible for coffee cups to drink out of... not that it's happening).
4. also for the ladies coming this weekend. i'm really going to need it.
5. the gym to boost my moods. the people watching and the exercise is awesome.
6. butternut squash ravioli by lean cuisine. i had it for lunch and it's my favorite. i should learn to make something like it.
7. kerry d.(sp.ed teacher i have a desk next to) and heather (school psychologist) at the good elementary school. they are wonderful and listen well and talk about random things to keep me from freaking out. they're young, 30, and people i can trust. and heather goes to my gym and has the same love of starring at people while working out.

wednesday:
7:30 work on behavior plan
8am check in at high school
9am meet with teacher and the school psych (heather) about a student at good elem.
10-12 behavior plan writing.
12:30 daily kerry d. meeting
1-2 travel to north haven (it takes 40 minutes from madison)
2-4 behavior leadership meeting. BOO.
4-5 revamp behavior plan and pray an hour will be all i need.
5:45-8 gym!

i'm done. i think i'm going to get into bed really early tonight and maybe go to the gym at 5am to work off some anxiety before i start another day. send me those good vibes because Lord knows i need them.

good vibes!
*jp