*with a name i've never chosen i can make my first steps as a child of 25. this is the straw. final straw.*

most of you know i have an issue with commitment of all kinds. for the last eight years i’ve lived year to year and never thought too far ahead. i’m not great at staying in one place for too long or saying i’ll do something for more than a year. the only thing that breaks that rule is trip plans for the future. mostly because i love traveling so much and they’re less set in stone.

all of this commitment phobia is kind of a joke in the family because ‘to a certain degree we all have a fear of commitment’ but i literally freak out. as in anxiety and over thinking. and some times tears. i've slowly been working on this. reminding myself of things that take time.

since richie's wedding i’ve been doing some self reflecting. he's always been someone to jump into everything fully. i don't know if he lacks the fear of failure, getting hurt, doing something wrong or if he just has that much faith in his self. it's incredible to witness.

and so, i've decided it's time to let some guards down. to stop worrying and jump in. i think i may have to take it one foot at a time but it's a whole lot better than standing by and watching from the side.

and so tomorrow it starts, being 26.
*jp

*from those cursed beginnings and those blessed, blessed ends.*

we gave our two weeks notice this week. the project is ending on july 9th and we had to 'formally resign' even though we weren't really given a choice... not that we wanted to stay.




we totally celebrated with chinese with annette and a photo shoot.


*it is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.* - epictetus
*jp

songs of selma

selma, alabama: june 7th, 2008

a couple weekends ago i drove west to selma for a walking tour of the town's history. i also ended up driving around to look at buildings and landmarks outside the walking area. i learned a lot about the area and took lots and lots of pictures. i haven't had the manual camera pictures developed yet but i brought my little digital camera to capture a couple images i wanted to share.

here's what i learned:


this is where my tour started. the stairs of the library.


VII in. brooke rifle was cast august 24th, 1863 in selma at the confederate naval gun foundry. it was also the first gun shipped from the selma foundry and served as stern pivot gun on the selma-built ironclad ram css tennessee. it was the only surviving naval gun from the battle of mobile bay.


said to be one of the oldest houses in selma. it was constructed in 1825, probably on the original property and is one of the few federalist cottages left in the area.


the lee-bender-butler house build in 1840. robert e. lee's cousin designed and built the house. it's considered a greek revival home.


the tour woman told me an old lady lived in this house. in her will she left the house to all the churches but the baptist church. she was apparently afraid that 'those baptists' would flatten it and put in a parking lot. there are parking lots on either side of the house and behind it. all the parking are for the local baptist church. the lady might have had a right to be a little paranoid.


the dallas county courthouse built in 1910. in 1965 protesters marked down alabama avenue from brown chapel a.m.e church to the dallas county courthouse in an effort to register to vote.


bienville monument. this commemorates d'anville's mapping of the area in the 1700's naming selma 'ecor de bienville.' selma was the 4th name given to the town meaning high seat or throne. the other names given to selma were 'high soapstone bluff' and 'moore's bluff'.


the national voting rights museum. i didn't go in but it has longs of memorabilia from the voting rights movement and seems to be pretty awesome.


the edmund winston pettus bridge where the selma to montgomery march in 1965 which lead to the u.s. voting rights act of 1965. the bridge was build in 1939 and named after a u.s. senator.






songs of selma park was named after a poem out of the book 'the poems of ossian'. there is a poem in the book called 'songs of selma' where the city of Selma got it's name.


this is for the auburn university kids. ralph 'shug' jordan's house. he was originally from selma. he was a head coach at auburn for several years.


the brown chapel a.m.e (african methodist-episcopal)church. it was the first a.m.e church in alabama and where dr. martin luther king, jr. led the 1965 demonstrations. the congregation of this church first met in 1866 and this church was built in 1906.




these were in front of the church.


this is the corner by the brown chapel a.m.e church. i had to get out and take a picture.

i'm so glad i went out to selma for the morning/ early afternoon. people yelled from cars while i was walking around and wasn't sure if it was because i had a big camera or because i looked like a tourist. it was also super super hot that day. surprise, surprise. hopefully i'll have a couple more alabama adventures before i move north at the end of july.

amazing.
*jp

*no realistic, sane person goes around chicago without protection.* - saul bellow

the quote above holds a bit of meaning for h and i. we had a bit of a stalker issue our first night. other than that, the people of chicago were wonderful. especially those who made the coffee i ran on.

chicago trip may 24th-29th
here goes....

i left here saturday at like 5pm, drove out to h's to check on the dogs one last time, hung out with her mum and left the area at about 6pm. i drove to harselle to pick h up at a wedding and the trip started.



saturday: this was probably my favorite part of the drive. i was excited to finally be in chicago after the over night drive. it might actually tie with the early morning stop at a diner in lafayette, in. homemade biscuits and honey. mmmmmm.

we got in to tasha and phil's, talked to phil, showered, found the train, did some speed walking and then did our first presentation of the trip. the rest of our day was mostly traveling on the train, taking a nap, catching up at the au reunion and searching for coffee. mmmmm. dunkin's.



monday: buckingham fountain. we wandered between sessions before we presented. you can see me entranced with the wind blowing the fountain spew. i was also very concerned i would get misted on. the fountain was giant.



cloud gate. also known as 'the bean'. this was very cool and located in millennium park. there is art scattered around the city. also very cool.



this was the longest day of walking. we did a poster presentation session, h got into verbal fisticuffs with a woman during the last session and then we wandered what seemed like the entire city. all while carrying the dang poster tube. we were completely over it by about 7pm when we were waiting for the train out to tasha's. we ended up not going back in for the social that night. too tired. though i really wanted to share the story of h and the woman because no one believes me she's got some feist.



we were well acquainted with chicago transit. this train was in the theater district. half way through the long walking day.



sears tower. we watched a video and all. they had to justify the $13 they make you pay to ride in the elevator and look out the windows. at this point i was carrying my bag, the poster tube and a bag of garrett's popcorn. we looked like tourists. mostly because we looked lost a lot and h would say 'crap' or something like it every time we would walk in the wrong direction. i also got the tube stuck in a revolving door.



tuesday: chinatown. the only place we went other than to the conference. h wanted a nap and we ended up staying in for the afternoon and then eating at a mandarin & cantonese restaurant for dinner. we also proved our coolness by taking the train to a grocer's.



wednesday: we took the train to the state street shopping and magnificent mile on michigan ave. we did some window shopping. later we took the bus to navy pier. there was lots of water, boats, food and games. there were also pirates inside doing a show. it was kind of entertaining until they said they were going into the audience to get people to participate. that was our queue to leave. it was similar to santa monica pier.



cubs! i'm not so much a cubs fan but we went to the game. it was flipping cold out. like 40°. we ate some good ballpark food and cheered them on. they won in the 10th inning. i even sang along. and clapped. good baseball is good baseball.



thursday: view of the city from lincoln park zoo. it's kind of cool to have something like that in the middle of the city. lots of class trips that day. nannies with strollers. animals laying out in the sun.

after the zoo we were involved in the following: picking up more popcorn at garrett's and lunch in greektown, meeting up with tasha to say goodbye and driving out to new carlisle, ohio. if you're in chicago go to greektown.

the rest of the trip was spent in ohio. we were there until sunday morning spending time with the family. friday mum, h and i drove to jungle jim's and went to dinner at some asian buffet with the parents, richie and rachael. saturday we went to the store for wedding stuff and bathing suits, made a variety of empanadas including guava with cream cheese and went to see 'sex and the city' with mum and rachael. i think it gave h some perspective on my family visits.

next time i'll write about today's trip to selma.
*jp

i should be sleeping.

but for some reason i'm not quite tired yet. so instead i'll do a quick update of... my last month? i totally just opened my calendar to see if anything exciting went on.

1. that yard sale we had was successful for h but i got like $7.25. i think i used it on a coffee from starbucks. which i'm sure was delightful. we went out on the boat that afternoon after putting everything in the house. michael and his nephew (21 yrs old... not like 5) were going out on the boat and h asked if i wanted to go. the highlight was wearing a scarf on my head and sunglasses with the top down in h's car. i felt like thelma and louise. there was also a cookout at the house that night. there was a fire pit and good food and 'house' watching and blended drinks. yes! i made some good piña coladas. i think driving to the store that night (pre drink) proved my night blindness. it was rough.

2. i went to see alabama's matthew mcconaughey today and my back is practically fixed. sweet deal. i'll go in the first week of next month and one more time. because i've already paid for it and i'm getting my money's worth of electric shock and streching of the back.

3. after applying at 10 to 15 places and interviewing with 8 or so, i accepted a job in north haven, ct this week. i'll actually be working in madison. i was also officially offered jobs in seattle, wa and burlington, vt. last wednesday. and informal question of employment through richmond, va; atlanta and philly. about two weeks ago i was freaking out that i was going to have to move in with my parents again. oi. glad that's over. start planning your visits. we've got a lot of catching up to do.

4. we went up to chicago the last week of may. last week. h and i had two presentations at the annual association for behavior analysis international conference. we stayed with tasha and her man phil for the week. good times. i'll write about that later today. if i remember.

5. school is out. the regular school year ended the 22nd of last month. extended school year started this monday. there are a couple students there but we haven't been over to see them. we worked 10 hour days this week to have friday off. i was at work each morning between 6:35 and 6:50. it was tough. no morning gym time. though, i loved having friday off. today. yesterday. you decide. but 10 hours on monday and tuesday were crazy. the other two days went by quickly but mostly because i started my crazy ocd planning for getting an apartment in ct. this coming week we're doing the same and then i have 7 work days off in a row.

6. june 16th i'm flying up north to take care of an apartment. i'll be there until wednesday late afternoon when cris, dave and nate pick me up so we can drive to dc. thursday we'll finish driving to virginia beach with richie will get married that saturday. crazy, hey? younger brother getting married... and then sunday jennt and i will hang out at the greyhound stop and both go our separate ways at 5:45pm. i'll get into atlanta at 1:30pm the next day, drive back and then have tuesday off. awesome.

7. june 25th h and i are giving our two week notice. they know it's coming. it's the end of our quarter. it makes sense.

8. i'm going to do a walking tour of selma today. if i get up in time. i'll take pictures.

more later.
*jp

*snaps is the name of the game.*

life: oh goodness. i just finished watching 'p.s. i love you'. it was wonderful. i've still got the sniffles. i'm going to have to buy it.

i'm also going through my things for the yard sale h and i are having next weekend. i don't have much but i do have super random things. and i found lots of paper to shred and a few things to get rid of. and i've made a huge mess. as you can see. i want to go through my clothes again but i'm starting to feel like i'm not going to have anything left. i'm willing to wear shirts that are too big for a little while longer.

the week: was good. busier than the week before. in and out of the office to different schools and on the phone. only 2 weeks left of this school year.

jobs: this week i've talked to people in tx, co, va, md, ma and vt. i've sent a couple things out to philly and a place in new hampshire. i'm also putting things together for oregon.

happy mother's day.
*jp

*she looked positively mediaeval.*

this week was a bit busy.

monday: 2 iep meetings. got asked to leave one. i was amused by that. the parent doesn't really like learning tree people but i also think she has some personal stuff against me. didn't really care because we got filled in after the meeting. we also had 1 observation and i had 2 dr. appointments. i left a little early to go to montgomery to get my foot checked for the last time. it's good and i'm glad i don't have to spend another $30 on it anytime soon. i then went to the tailor to bring my dang dress back to get the neckline fixed. then to prattville for my back. i also went to target, walmart and winn dixie to get all grocery related items that will last me until the 17th... at least. sunday i had done some meal planning.

tuesday: just 2 observations at 2 different schools. not bad at all. and the gym after work because i didn't get out of bed early enough. i saw one of the guys i talk to on occasions while there. he's nice and was telling me i look good. i'm friendly with two older men at the gym. funny.

wednesday: first thing in the morning i observed a student for just over an hour at an intensive program. such a great student! glad i had a good report to type up. i also think that teacher is wonderful. i've worked with her before. i was invited to stop by this friday to see them during their good behavior reward. we then rushed out to tallassee for a seminar on punishment. jim, the director of the aba/dd program at auburn, was the one speaking. it wasn't bad. kind of like being back in class. i really liked seeing people. ryan zayac was there and he's wonderful to talk to, so that's always nice. he offered to get our poster printed for the conference at the end of the month if we email it to him. it costs about $40 to do but if you're a student you can get it done for free on campus. love it! we ran around everywhere, so i think we ended up at a junior high to talk to teachers before going back to the office. i also went to see the back doctor. i have 6 more visits.

thursday: it was dave's birthday. happy birthday, dave. 1 observation and 1 two hour meeting with the special education coordinator.

friday: we spend a few hours over at the junior high observing 8 of the students just added to our class load. we got 12 in the last couple weeks. and we only have 3 weeks left of school. one of my kids was taken off this case manager's case load,so i didn't really have to go see him. one of my kids was at in school suspension. one of my kids was there but will no long be attending school at that school and won't be back until some time next school year. he's been assigned to a different program for the rest of the year and beginning of next. and then the 4th student was there and it really wasn't worth the observation. so, i'll do write ups and talk to the case manager. i'm going to go back in this week to see the kid that was at the in school suspension. i drove out to montgomery to pick up my dress and drop off a pair of pants at the tailor.

saturday: i just went to the gym. i have nothing to report.

to top it off, all week i kept refering to it as april. i scheduled a meeting for april 17th, i asked to use someone's office april 7th. i think i scheduled an observation for april something as well. annette had to remind me a few times i was wrong. dang.

i should really write more often. i'm kind of boring besides trying to figure out this whole job thing. i don't have that girly guy news, like some of you.

i think connecticut is a bust. i talked to h about it and she listed some pros and cons for me. then wednesday at our little seminar i talked to the wonderful ryan. his opinion is the abundance of red flags is no good. i then told jim the donn guy would be calling him(jim already knew i was talking to this guy) and explained my reservation. at first he said it might be good to be able to change things but then said it'd be better to go some where i could actually make a change instead of fight against 20 years of history. he thinks some where else might be a better fit. and then... jl asked about it this thursday. i did the same email explanation for her and told her what each person has said. she agrees with ryan. said to walk away from it unless i'm actually really interested in it. if i am interested then only take it if they offer more money. which had already come up and there is no more money to be handed out. so, bust.

i've been talking to different people this week. i got a call from richmond, va on friday afternoon. it really fits what i'm doing here except adding in possibly teaching courses at a local university. we'll have to think of that. she wants me to fly up there some time this month if my references pan out but really, this month is crazy with school getting out AND the conference the last week. i also have a couple more things in va, 2 in philly area, one in southern new hampshire, one outside providence, ri but still in mass.; one out in westminster, colorado; and something in independence, oregon. i'll be sorting those out over the next couple weeks. i also have to talk to the ct guy to say 'thanks but no'.

aside from work: i watched 'the departed' today. mum didn't like the shooting and all the swearing. i kind of appreciate/ am entertained by the 'f-ing this, f-ing that' dialog. there was a lot of shooting. the music was good, though. i want to see both 'p.s. i love you' and '27 dresses'. i want to buy them but i'm trying to hold out. and that's really been my day so far. annabelle and i are just hanging out.

i'll have to make a point of writing more often to avoid writing long boring entries.

it's already may.
*jp